My audiologist laughed, maybe scoffed is a better term, when I boasted that I was writing a story titled, ‘My Ears Are Getting Bigger, But My Hearing Is Getting Worse’.
“You may get a few chuckles, but you’d be technically incorrect. Our ears actually stop growing at age six.” Six? Well, that explains the teasing by an older sister, whom, I suspect, had already ‘grown into her ears’.
“It’s probably gravity that’s making your ears look bigger, unless you wear heavy ear fashions”, he snickered. “I suggest you change the one word to ‘longer’.”
Gravity, huh? It started me thinking, is it the same gravity that caused my six pack abs to drop and cover my belt? Truth be told, I never had six pack abs. Have the bags under my eyes settled there because of gravity? What about the sides of my mouth turning down in a constant frown? Gravity? I used to blame my mother who, strangely enough, had the same look. It’s become a workout of constant smiling to keep them turned upward.
So many other areas of the human body change over time and gravity must be the catalyst there, as well. How else can we explain drooping shoulders, double chins and sagging fannies? The inch of height I lost must have gone into my feet because they’re wider and flatter. Gravity, again!
Given enough time, I’ll be measured as one foot high x three feet wide. And it’s happening fast. One day you can stretch like a rubber band, and the next you’re locked up tighter than a rusty nut.
You add Move Free to your daily supplements to help your joints, and suppositories to actually help you ‘move free’.
When did it all change? When did we cross that imaginary line of tight skin, standing tall, get up and go, to drooping, stooping and pooping? It’s time to fight back.
Tug on those loose fitting sweats (yes, mine were form fitting once, too, but that train left the station years ago), tie up your laces (if you can still reach them), and kick the mp3 into high volume (don’t worry about damaging your hearing, it’s probably shot, anyway) and move to the rhythm of an upbeat tempo (personally, I’m stuck on Paul Simon’s ‘Graceland’).
You may not draw that loose skin back to place, a doctor can do that if it’s important. But I bet you’ll feel better and look better, at least in your own eyes, if they’re any good.
Let’s face it, this body, longer ears and all, has served us well. Take care of it and have fun moving.
Steve
srbottch.com
January 2018
To Sir Issac Newton who gave us an ‘understanding’ of gravity
Glad you enjoyed the story, Xavier. Hope all is well in France and you’re in good health. Give my regards to Jean and don’t worry about those ears. They fit you perfectly. 😂
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What… ? Can you repeat… ? 👂
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Oh Steve, you are so funny. I also thought ears continued to grow as we got older so that is news to me.
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Thank you, Robbie. When my doc corrected me, he said that when he and his team build an ear for an enfant who may be born without
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…born without an ear, they build it to the 6 year old size. Thought that was fascinating.
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Once again Steve, well done. Soon the whole aging process will be reversed. I’m counting on it!
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Thanks, Jim, but we can only go back to 21 so we can still have a ‘Bar Night’…😉
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So glad you pointed me to this one! Made me chuckle:).
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Do your ears hang low, do they wobble to and fro, can you throw them over your shoulder like a Continental soldier, do your ears—hang—low. Remember that?
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Do I ever!😂 thanks. Wish I remembered it for the story! 😉Have a great day! And thanks for the follow.
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Thanks for the big laugh. You never disappoint.
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Wow, you’re so easy to please. That’s such a nice comment. I may have to write another one. 😉
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I just reread it, myself, and now I’m laughing.
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I always wanted those six pack abs. I somehow ended up with a keg instead.
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