Are You Presbyterian?

An odd question from a gentleman I had just met in the locker room at my local gym. Adjacent lockers force you to get acquainted quickly, since at any moment you’ll find yourself in various stages of dress or undress. Might as well break the ice with small talk.

But my religion?

Being a gentleman, and curious, myself, I politely answered his with one of mine.

“Presbyterian”?

“No, Congregationalist, however, still under the Protestant tent.”

“Why do you ask?”

His bemused look was quickly followed by a benign smile, as the proverbial light went on in his head.

“Pescatarian! Pescatarian! Fish eaters!”, he repeated, obviously recognizing that my light was barely flickering.

“Are you one?”, he asked, again.

Nothing makes you feel older, and might I say, dumber, than someone repeating themselves, in a louder voice, accompanied by a blunt definition.

The verbal faux pas stemmed from our impromptu discussion about food and exercise. Apparently, my flippant comment about avoiding deep fried foods, fish & chips, for example, confused him.

Clarification followed when he declared himself a vegitarian and pescatarian, explaining that a pescatarian is someone who eats fish as the only meat source in an otherwise vegetarian diet. Apparently, he thought we were kindred spirits.

No, I’m not a pescatarian, nor a vegetarian. I enjoy meats, occasionally but generally avoid the red ones.

However, it’s not the first time I’ve misunderstood words from casual conversations. And it seems to be happening with an uneasy frequency.

“Do you think you need a hearing aid”, she asks. Yes, the same ‘she’ who calls out my other shortcomings, the queen of common sense, my wife of 55 years.

My audiologist also reminds me that I am a candidate for a hearing aid if I felt the need. I’ve yet to find the need. A hearing aid wouldn’t help conversation spoken from opposite ends of the house. Five decades of being together, we pretty much know what the other is going to say, anyway. Hence, we talk less and economize on words.

However, I would like to hear the ‘expert’ conversations in the sauna. There, on any particular day, someone will be holding court on the best grilling method, the latest medical advice, which vitamins to take and what investments will pop during a new administration. Now that might be the incentive to push me into getting fitted for a device.

As for my new locker room friend, I’m just thankful that he didn’t ask me if I was ‘presbyopia’. I wouldn’t have seen that one coming.

Steve

December 2024

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srbottch

Retired in 2013 after 5 years as an elementary school teacher and 40 years as a sales representative to begin anew as a school crossing guard. SMy essays/stories are a way to communicate through the telling of personal experiences. One reader said about my blog stories, "...these are like a cold sip during a marathon run, simple, real life events". Another offered about my blog, “it brings some sense of normalcy not easily found in the modern world.”

32 thoughts on “Are You Presbyterian?”

  1. Our joke is that my wife and I have a daily contest to see who can say “what?” more times than the other. It’s a photo finish. 🤣 I’m getting closer to needing hearing aids; my wife is still in denial. One of my brothers bit the bullet, and he loves them. I suspect in the next 2-3 years I’ll do the same. As we age, my biggest goal is to not let our quality of life suffer.

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      1. Joking aside, my aids are fantastic. They connect by Bluetooth to the TV, my laptop, and my phone, and they can be controlled by an APP on my phone or by switches on the aids themselves. My advice – don’t wait a moment longer!

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      2. Good info, Peter. I’m laughing because when you mention ‘switches on the aids themselves’, I’m picturing something big, industrial size, aids. I mean, a switch for each device??? I’m kidding, of course, exaggeration is a good form of humor. How visible are they? You have a full head of hair, I have none so these will be very visible. Although, things are getting smaller…(unfortunately). Hope you’re having a great weekend, Peter. We’re having a bit of snow in my parts.

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      3. I tried various types and settled on RIC aids as giving the best battery life, facilities, and comfort. (google will tell all). I wear glasses and have no problem with space behind the ears and they come in different colours to either blend in or stand out! There are, of course, invisible aids that fit completely in the ear but they tend to have shorter battery life and fewer bells and whistles. I have had aids in both ears from the start as advised by the experts and people just don’t see them. They work their own magic and balance sound where needed. Good luck with whatever you choose to do and, if they don’t offer a trial period with a full refund if not happy, walk away and go elsewhere.

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      6. 😂😂you were reading my mind. Have a great day, Peter. I’ll be watching football later today (American football). Rooting for my Buffalo Bills with the volume up enough so I don’t hear my wife asking, ‘is that almost done’… ‘Go, Bills!’

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      8. To you, as well, Peter. As I may have mentioned, it’ll Best regards, a white Christmas. Several inches of snow yesterday, a few more coming tomorrow and Tuesday. And it’s c-c-c-cold, 14F, at the moment. A cold evening for a football game.

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  5. Hi Steve, it is a good idea to get hearing aids if you need them. Otherwise you eventually end up isolated from conversations. My MIL has needed them for about 5 years now and she can’t hear conversations. She ends up being left out in family situations. My aunt has them and it helps a lot.

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    1. I don’t know, Robbie, I’d have to remove them when I go to the pool, or boxing class, or when she’s scolding me (😉).. I don’t need them to read your beautiful words/sentiments. On the other hand, I do want to hear the beautiful sounds of birds calling, the wind blowing, people laughing and…and…and the dinner bell. Seriously, it’ll probably happen in ‘25.

      Thanks for commenting, Robbie. It’s always great ‘hearing’ from you.

      It’s funny, all the comments had to do with the hearing aid and no one mentioned the vegetarian/pescatarian angle.

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      1. Well, that is because it was something people relate strongly too. Most people suffer hearing loss as they age. Your mishearing and thus misunderstanding in this particular situation was amusing. I do know a lot of pescatarians.

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      2. I had never heard the word. To a combination of the Italian word for fish, pesce, and vegetarian. Very interesting. It was fun to write this one. I need to amp up my writing.

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  6. I’m a presbyterian pescatarian!! I got a kick out of this one. I’ve been a vegetarian for many years now but will, occasionally eat fish. (the only meal hubby makes is fish and chips bought at the local chip shop) I was happy when I learned there was a word for it. Here’s another one for you. What is ichthyophobia? Answer, an irrational fear of fish. I met a fellow once who suffered from this.

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    1. Darlene, it’s great ‘hearing’ from you and I’m glad to alluded to the ‘pescatarian’ angle of the story. I was totally unfamiliar with the word but the brief exchange told me that there had to be a story here. By the way, I love a good fish fry. And, obviously, you didn’t meet that fellow while strolling along the seashore or on a whale watching expedition, the poor guy.

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  7. Presbyterian…so funny! This has happened to me on one-too-many occasions, I’m sorry to say. Of course it’s when I’m not wearing my hearing aids. When you’re ready, Costco has the best audiologists and many affordable choices. Thank you for this wonderful post and giving me Christmas smiles. Merry Christmas, Steve.

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    1. I wish they had ‘Love’ buttons because I always ‘love’ your comments. They encourage me to keep writing.

      I’m so glad that you found this funny, Jennie, because so did I, as I was writing it. And, of course, all my stories are based on something that really happened….. well, for the most part. At least the genesis of the theme is always real 😉.

      As for the hearing aid, I’m getting lots of advice from respondents. So, when it happens, I’ll have a good basis for where to start. Since I have little hair, I generally shave it all (yes, all of it…. the baldness gives me strength, superpowers 😂) and look like these yellow emojis. That means any aids will undoubtedly show. I suppose either a smart watch and those things in my ears and a shaved head, I could pass myself off as a Secret Service guy.

      Enough nonsense, right. Just let me thank you for being a good friend, a supporter of what my sister calls, my musings, and just an overall wonderful person. I wish you and Steve a very Happy and Healthy upcoming New Year, Jennie. Sincerely, Steve

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      1. Oh Steve, if this didn’t make my Christmas! Thank you for your kind and wonderful words. We are in sync! That includes humor – like picturing your shaved head as an emoji. 😂 The new hearing aids are practically invisible, even with a shaved head. I thank YOU for being a good friend and one great person. Really. Sending you much love and wishing you a happy and healthy New Year. 😍

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  9. I sometimes think my husband needs hearing aids, or it could just be that he isn’t listening to me. Hehe. That subjective deafness comes in handy. I enjoyed the humor in this. As long as you’re laughing, the hearing aids can wait.

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