‘I Was a QVC ‘Virgin’

(A repost from April 2015. Why? I like it and wanted to expose it to new followers)

There’s an old adage that ‘the easiest person to sell to is another salesperson’. I don’t buy it!

I spent my career in sales which has nothing to do with the fantastic chopper, mixer, blender, all-in-one appliance that I bought from the QVC shopping network today, the wildly popular Ninja. What a magnificent collection of blades and bowls. I didn’t need the sales pitch to make me dial.  It was good, but that’s not what sold it. 

I saw the drinks and desserts this compact culinary cutie was churning out and felt my credit card twitching in my pocket.  ‘You’ll be more efficient in the kitchen and put pizzazz in your food prep’, the host assurred us. Ha, talk is cheap. One demo, and I knew that after some trial and error, we’d be juicing and sluicing our way to gourmet heaven.
The bullet point delivery of the on-air personality with fingernails as polished as his lines, didn’t sway me one bit.  But, the way he sampled the food stimulated my taste buds and had me salivating for more. 

I saw the ‘value’ in this slick slicer. Sure, the tv sales pro made the points, but I could see it, anyway.  I could have sold this thing to myself.  Oh, my, maybe I did!

What did I do?  I lost my merchandising innocence over a food chopper. Here I was, a staunchly disciplined shopper succumbing to the oldest trick, showing something sexy alongside the product, food. 

I couldn’t dial fast enough, the 800 number seemed to have 800 numbers. ‘My first time! My first time’, I mumbled to my wife, incoherently, and she replied as only a wife could, ‘Do you know what you’re doing?’  No, I probably didn’t. But who does when it’s the ‘first time’?  

I gave them my credit card number, and the secret 3 digit code on the back. My chest was pounding, I was having an adrenalin rush. Whatever they asked for, I gave them, in spades.  I’d make a terrible prisoner-of-war. 

I completely caved and spelled out my email address, too. I must be the most popular guy at QVC.  How else do you explain the stream of emails flooding my InBox?

And the ‘schmaltz’ from the phone rep was thicker than fresh churned butter. It was hard to resist her pitch.  Here I was, a QVC virgin moments ago, and a seasoned sales pro to boot, still hyperventilating from my first time and now they wanted more.

I was weak, I admit it. I needed some recovery time. But I also needed recipes, so I succumbed and went a second round, bought a book. It felt good.  I sensed the change. I was catching on. I enjoyed it. It could become habit forming, and I thought, “y’know, an old guy like me needs a thrill every so often.” 

But if they think I’m addicted, I’ve read the fine print.  There’s always fine print. If this sweet purchase doesn’t measure up to our standards, it’s going back. Meantime, I’ve got 30 days to play with it.  But deadlines can be moved, sales guys know that.  

Incidentally, the first batch of muffins was very good…


Dedicated to hard working sales people and buyers who drive our economy, ‘Nothing happens until something is sold’ (unknown)