The Bar Chronicles: #4, Love Unrequited (How I Met My Wife)

Bar Night 2

‘Tale as old as time…’ 

(Beauty & The Beast)

‘On Friday nights, the boys sat on a bridge over our river, waiting for the girls to come across, hoping to catch the eye of the one we thought was special.  And, I did.’

More than 60 years ago that was a perfect scheme for the young men of a small coal mining town in eastern Pennsylvania. My friend told the story with a twinkle in his eye and a smile, as though it was yesterday.

Here we were, again, three ‘seniors’, in a bar, reminiscing how we met our future wives. It was a moment of sincere reflection as we opened our hearts and shared memories that were a long time put aside.…but not forgotten.

These weren’t ordinary stories and this wasn’t an ordinary ‘bar’, this was the Lock 32 Brewing Company on the historic Erie Canal at the Port of Pittsford, NY. The canal and its towns come to life when the ‘ditch’ regains its waters after the long western NY winter. Working barges, canoes, rowers and yachts commingle east and west from Albany to Buffalo, meandering 400 miles through the Empire State. And, tonight, we witnessed some of it from inside this perfect venue in the tiny Pittsford village.

We found a table facing the canal, where the back wall is a floor to ceiling window that slides open onto the canal’s northside boardwalk, allowing us an unfettered vista of the late evening light settling on the local village. The lovers in front were scooted low enough in their seats that our view was uninterrupted.

 ‘I was a late bloomer in the dating game so I advertised in the newspaper for someone who was sophisticated, fun-loving and liked to dance. She answered.’

A quarter century later my friend and his wife are still dancing. The power of the marketplace.

Cabin cruisers docked on the south side, its occupants enjoying evening cocktails on the aft deck. Ducks collected near us, waiting for handouts, and couples sat on benches, leaning head to head, watching the setting sun lay its fingers across the silent waters, except when an occasional catfish surfaced to snatch an unsuspecting bug.

My eyes locked onto the boats and for a fleeting moment my imagination carried me out to sea, far away from the murky canal waters. Oh, to be an adventurer!

But, fantasies aside, we came here for a purpose, beer and brotherhood. The former started with the house ‘summer’ and ‘scotch’ ales, and the latter with an informal clinking of our glasses and a ‘here, here’, three neighbors relaxing and reminiscing over a beer.

‘I’d like to see number 7, again.’

Being a class officer on campus had its perks, judging cheerleader tryout was a major one. It allowed me to see a freshman girl whom I found attractive. She didn’t need my vote to make the squad and nearly 50 years later, we’re still ‘cheering’ for each other.

A quiet mood settled onto the pub as the evening waned. We emptied our mugs with a toast to marriages and longevity, then went into the night. The boats were dark, the boardwalk was empty, the fish were still active.

We headed home, content, knowing all is well…

 Steve Bottcher

srbottch.com

My Mother was Catholic, My Father was Handsome…a Love Story

Mother & Dad

My mother was Catholic, my father was…handsome. The daughter of poor immigrants, and poorly educated, herself, this young girl of Irish/Italian heritage was looking for a better future. My father, too, was of immigrant parents, hard working, middle class, and Protestant. 

She wanted the love that an abusive father never showed her, and he, this dashing young tradesman, would give her that, and more. Still, she was Catholic and, well, he was a pool shooter.  Living in a flat above the pool hall he frequented, evenings would often find her purposefully loitering on the building steps, easy prey for his roving eyes.  Love finds a way…

Barely 19 and in a ‘family way’, she married him, probably to the chagrin of the family patriarch, and the local priest. After all, she was a Catholic girl and he…well, he was careless and cavalier.  In all likelihood, he was careless more than once, as six more children were added to the family tree in rapid succession. She was very Catholic.

Life was challenging for a young wife with five small children and an ‘old school’ husband who set the rules and expectations in a firm manner. Yet, for all the hardships endured, she worshipped him, depended on him for her well-being and her place in a middle class America. Besides, what were her options?

Their marriage endured, and only strengthened with time. My mother loved my father dearly and he relished his role as a strong family provider and leader. He was doing what was expected of him, then.

It was joyful, watching their love grow, an affair lasting 50 years. Life’s tough challenges were met and now behind them, and they basked in the comfort of their companionship, each one knowing the other’s pleasures.

And then, it ended. One morning, he kissed her goodbye, twice, went to work and didn’t come home. To the end, the handsome pool player fulfilled his vow to love and cherish, protect and provide.

The Catholic girl survived another twenty years, still in love with the same man but now adding God in her daily thoughts. After all, she was Catholic, and He…well, He was her Savior.

srbottch

Dedicated to my wonderful parents

Barney, A Eulogy (2005)

Barney_BlogOn April 7 (2005), our dog Barney was put to rest.  My wife and I said our last goodbyes to Barney, and while we’re saddened by our loss, we’re comforted by wonderful memories of good family times we had with him and iknowing that he enriched our lives by being our special pet.

We devoted more time to Barney the last few months doing activities we all enjoyed: long treks on favorite trails through the woods; walks around the Erie Canal; playing in the back yard.  We did as much as his stamina allowed, and he loved it.  He enjoyed being with us and we cherished his companionship and affection.

Barney was a friend to all.  He anticipated the mail carrier’s daily stop and biscuit treat.  Like a magnet, he drew the Helping Hands boy to the back of our van when groceries were being loaded.  He eagerly welcomed visitors to our house with an extended paw and a good sniffing.  The neighborhood kids enjoyed his willingness to be petted, the warmth and tenderness of his thick fur and strong body and the love behind an occasional kiss.  People learned not to be afraid of Barney and that his enthusiastic approaches were his way of saying,”C’mon, let’s touch!”

Barney would watch us through the window when we left and welcome us at the door upon our return.  He would wait in the car to meet our son and daughter at the airport on their trips home, and bound up the stairs into their bedrooms to see what was new in their bags.  He taught them to put away their clothes or risk having their undies dragged through the house.

Barney was a constant companion to my wife, keeping her in sight as she worked her garden, or following her from room to room.  At night, he lay at her bedside.  He loved being with her in the kitchen where the good treats and special smells were.  She would talk and Barney would listen.  The carrots, creamed spinach, broccoli and sliced bananas were but a few of his gourmet rewards.  My wife was Barney’s exerciser through the walks they took and the backyard games they played.

This summer, we’ll dedicate a concrete square to Barney’s memory.  It’ll be added to others in our backyard walkway as a remembrance.  It may take its place near our first dog’s marker.  And in a few words, the stone will attest to what a wonderful dog Barney was.  Or, it may say how he will always be remembered.  For me, he was the ‘King of All Dogs.’  I often reminded him of that.  And he was the King to the final moment of his precious life.

Barney scrambled in and out of our arms as a furry, energetic 6 week old puppy when we adopted him 11 years ago.  And he’ll be in our hearts for a lifetime.  We love you, Barney.  You were a great family dog.

SrBottch

Written 5/1/2005 and published in the Rochester Democrat and Chronicle, “My Life, My Words”

I dedicate this story to all pet lovers and especially those who have experienced the sadness of losing one of their own special ‘friends’.

Jake the Dog, His Story

August 14 was a momentous day for me.  I received a reprieve on life, moved to a new home and was embraced with open arms and scratching behind my ears by my new adoptive owners.

Jake's Story

My name is Jake.  I’m a young adult dog with Great Dane and black Labrador bloodlines, which makes me both tall and handsome.  I’m big on kissing and loved to be hugged.  I’m well-trained.  I’m the real deal, the complete package.  All that my new owner has to do is feed, exercise and love me.  And they do, with gusto.  I’m a lucky dog, and I love my new digs.

It wasn’t always this pleasant.  I had a nice home until I was given up by my owners and moved to a new place in the city, where I was kept in a cage surrounded by a mishmash of barking, howling and whining dogs.  Soon, I found myself falling into the same behavior.  And talk about turnover.  It was difficult to make friends because the few dogs I could see didn’t stay long enough to get acquainted.

It didn’t take me long to realize that the barking, howling and whining was a call for help.  When my owners never returned, I knew that my days were probably numbered, too.  I needed to clear my head and come up with a plan.  I resolved to look smart and act friendly when visitors came by to pass judgment and make their selection as to which of us would go home with them and which would stay to keep barking, howling and whining.  I got lucky.

Now, I couldn’t be happier with my new owners.  They’re experienced dog lovers and even had teenagers at one time, so I know they’re capable.  We’re very happy with each other.  Yet, I’m sad when I think about what may have been the fate of the animals I left behind.

They say that a dog is a man’s best friend.  All of us surely can be if given the chance in a caring home.  I have that chance now and am making the best of it.  It would be nice to know that other like-minded pet owners-to-be will adopt a dog from a pound, too.  You’ll find the world’s greatest dog there.  My owners did.  And you’ll feel so good about saving the life of an animal, a new companion who will always be there to love you.

srbottch

Oct 16, 2005

Dedicated to all pet owners who love and care for their animals

Today, I Waved At an Airplane…Stuff My Sister ‘Taught’ Me

Today, I waved at an airplane, a ‘skill’ I learned as a kid from my benevolent sister.  She even described how they wave back, by tipping their wings. Really?

I followed my sister through school by four years and learned that it’s awkward following a sibling’s footsteps.  “You’re not like your sister”, teachers would say, and I wasn’t.  I was a bit more like my older brothers, not mischevious, but testing and challenging, wearing on teachers’ nerves and patience. My sister was, well, ‘precocious…’

I didn’t mind the comparison and was darn proud to have a smart sister who took me under her ‘wing’ and taught me to ‘wave at airplanes’.

Amazingly, I still enjoy doing it, discreetly, of course.  I think of myself as a ‘good will ambassador’ for my community, welcoming visitors on their arrivals, like a greeter at Disney World. 

The big unknown is whether or not passengers even see me. If they do, then they must be thankful for the salutation. If not, well, at least I tried.  

Waving at people is not without precedent. I recall a roadside waver on the Pennsylvania Turnpike who waved at motorists from his lawn chair for years.  Passersby responded by beeping. I like to believe if airplanes had horns, they would beep at me, too, because they sure as hell aren’t tipping wings. 

As I think back, I reluctantly realize that I may have been duped by my sister.  But all is forgiven. The joy of waving to people over many years, seen or unseen, has been uplifting. I like to think for them, as well, if they ever saw me. 

As crazy as it looks, I’ll continue being that ambassador, waving at and welcoming airplanes. Keep an eye out for me if you’re flying into Rochester some day. And, please, wave back or at least smile. The world needs more of both. 

srbottch

Dedicated to my sister and big sisters, everywhere. 


“Love In a Parking Lot”

It was a moment in time, in the open for all to see.  I saw it, love in a parking lot.  Others may have missed it, not me. And there was no mistaking what it was, love, pure and simple.

In an act of old-fashioned chivalry, a tall, sophisticated looking man tenderly draped his arm around the shoulders of his attractive companion, gently moving her closer to him. His comforting smile exuded confidence.  Her upward glance signaled approval, as though she, herself, had encouraged him.

They walked deliberately, amid a swarm of busy shoppers rushing to buy supplies before the storm, too consumed with Mother Nature, perhaps, to see it. But I saw it, the wonderful and rare public display of affection, love in a parking lot.

People are hurrying and scurrying, so focused on where they’re going or where they’ve been, that they often miss where they are.  Not me.  I’m always looking!  Life is full of wonderful moments, if we avail ourselves of the opportunity to see them.  Too often, in our haste, we miss the ‘theatre’ around us.

Not me. I enjoy watching people. My wife calls it ‘staring’, I call it ‘observing’.  I see the remarkable and unremarkable, the pleasant and unpleasant, the ordinary and not so ordinary.  I multitask with my eyes and ears, not passing the time so singularly focused that I miss life’s sometimes ‘bigger moments’, like love in a parking lot.

As for the ‘lovers’, I was not surprised to learn they were married 45 years. And this one moment of him protecting her from the icy wind by drawing her closer to his warmth, affirmed to me their mutual and enduring love.

I hope more people saw it, too, their love for each other, on display in a parking lot, because in a brief but poignant moment between two people, two lovers, I was uplifted.  It made me smile.

From time to time, if you’re looking, ‘observing’, you may be fortunate to witness true love, too, or some other special moment.  I’m always looking!

srbottch

Dedicated to those of us who are ‘always looking’ and for people in love, everywhere